okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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