You're my little dorito
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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