walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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