how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
