Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
