Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
