My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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