I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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