They should really pass out barf bags in church
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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