I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
