My hand turned me down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
