If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
