Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
