Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
