Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
