just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
