i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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