So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
