Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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