My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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