I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
