Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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