craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
