he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
