Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
