There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
