hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
