you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
