you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
