drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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