I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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