I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
