It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
