Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
