I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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