the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
