Your mouth is God's brothel.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I want a musical about memes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
