we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
