i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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