Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
