I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
