You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
