She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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