He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
