I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
