Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
