my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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