I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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