I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
