he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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