are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
