I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tell her she can't have a vagina
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
