Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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