i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
