She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
