Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
