Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
