Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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