if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
