No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
